Facing A Wall
Why try to talk when you won't listen
Why try to help when you don't want it
Why try to care when you don't even bother
I guess I thought it would help you feel better
But if it's doesnt I guess I should just quit trying
Because it's painfull to try when the one you're facing is like a wall
Sometimes it feels bad to put on the mask
It's like wearing a lie all the time
But the lie helps handling the people around
No hard questions, no worrying faces
It's hard to do it in front of friends and family
But if it helps them not to worry
Sometimes it feels like the better face to show
Why try to help when you don't want it
Why try to care when you don't even bother
I guess I thought it would help you feel better
But if it's doesnt I guess I should just quit trying
Because it's painfull to try when the one you're facing is like a wall
Sometimes it feels bad to put on the mask
It's like wearing a lie all the time
But the lie helps handling the people around
No hard questions, no worrying faces
It's hard to do it in front of friends and family
But if it helps them not to worry
Sometimes it feels like the better face to show
Brothers Forever
Since I was so tired last night I didn''t have the strength to write this shorter second part of my time in the army service, the part about my fellow brothers. In the beginning you just accepted everyone for whom they were, didn't question much despite that the questions were there. Those in our platoon whom were selected as group/platoon leaders soon found out the pressure about beeing the first one to take orders from the officers and make sure we followed them. Because of the pressure from the officers we soon realised that we had to stick together, not leave anyone outside the group and this is one of the first rules you learn, "you're only as strong as the weakest link in the group" . The first real test as I said in my previous contribution, was the first field week. Learn how to set up a tent and get it ready to light the heater, build standing defence positions, beeing able to sleep with the knowledge that at anytime we could be attacked. As the weeks passed on I started to know my fellow platoon members a little bit better, in the beginning it felt a little bit more as a co-worker relationship between us but as time went on we came closer and closer to each other.
The platoon was first diveded into three rooms but after a while one of the rooms had to be used by a different platoon, so the members there had to be put into the remaining two rooms. I don't really know why but the people in your own room were pretty much the people you spent the time with after our day ended, we watched some movies all together sometimes but quite often we would stay in our own room. We were 14 people in my room so you can imagine in the beginning when you weren't used to it there was so much snoring I would make your mind go crazy, but I gave my share back when I coughed for maybe 2 weeks and people really started to get angry because they couldn't sleep, haha those were good times. As we started our individual training, everyone got to know fellow soldiers from other companies and platoons, I really didn't know many people outside my own company so it was really great to meet with others. When the summer break was only a week away you could really feel the tense inside the rooms and barracks, it felt like the energy was so low and disturbed, I guess it was the fact that everybody knew summer break was not far away and you would finally get some real rest and charge up the batteries for the remaining months.
The first weeks after the summer break, we started the combat training for real and that puts more pressure on the individual and the group that you belong to, everyone must know exactly what to do and the others trust you 100% that you know what your doing in this kind of situation. The newly graded corporals were finally put to the test how it is to act and give orders in a combat situation, at first it was really bad but after a couple of days we all started to get a good hang of it and after our weeks with combat training we were really starting to look like a real platoon. The military exercises that followed were a good time for my group to get organize our group equipment and also get the hang of our part in the company. When the last week finally came I started to think about all the things that we had been through together, the beret examination, the fieldweeks, the exercises, the surviving week and not to forget all our after work activities like bowling, eating out, nightclub nights, going to the movies and the all so traditional can of beer. I learned to know so many different people there and I hope that some of us can keep in touch later on as well altough I know it's hard to go see each other when some of us live so far a part but I guess time will tell. I hope all of enjoyed it as much as I did and we'll see each other again some time....
HOA LIF!
Picture from the award winning series Band Of Brothers
The platoon was first diveded into three rooms but after a while one of the rooms had to be used by a different platoon, so the members there had to be put into the remaining two rooms. I don't really know why but the people in your own room were pretty much the people you spent the time with after our day ended, we watched some movies all together sometimes but quite often we would stay in our own room. We were 14 people in my room so you can imagine in the beginning when you weren't used to it there was so much snoring I would make your mind go crazy, but I gave my share back when I coughed for maybe 2 weeks and people really started to get angry because they couldn't sleep, haha those were good times. As we started our individual training, everyone got to know fellow soldiers from other companies and platoons, I really didn't know many people outside my own company so it was really great to meet with others. When the summer break was only a week away you could really feel the tense inside the rooms and barracks, it felt like the energy was so low and disturbed, I guess it was the fact that everybody knew summer break was not far away and you would finally get some real rest and charge up the batteries for the remaining months.
The first weeks after the summer break, we started the combat training for real and that puts more pressure on the individual and the group that you belong to, everyone must know exactly what to do and the others trust you 100% that you know what your doing in this kind of situation. The newly graded corporals were finally put to the test how it is to act and give orders in a combat situation, at first it was really bad but after a couple of days we all started to get a good hang of it and after our weeks with combat training we were really starting to look like a real platoon. The military exercises that followed were a good time for my group to get organize our group equipment and also get the hang of our part in the company. When the last week finally came I started to think about all the things that we had been through together, the beret examination, the fieldweeks, the exercises, the surviving week and not to forget all our after work activities like bowling, eating out, nightclub nights, going to the movies and the all so traditional can of beer. I learned to know so many different people there and I hope that some of us can keep in touch later on as well altough I know it's hard to go see each other when some of us live so far a part but I guess time will tell. I hope all of enjoyed it as much as I did and we'll see each other again some time....
HOA LIF!
The past hurts....
Scarred by people and events in my past I try to hide it as well I can
Not many people are allowed deep inside me to see the truth behind my mask
Some days the mask breaks a little and people see some of the sadness and darkness beneath it
Some friends are chocked, some are frightened but some are happy that I share it with them
Some scars will remain forever and there's nothing to do about it as long as I can handle it
I see some scars as lessons that must be learned as you grow up, some are harder than others to deal with
But I know that how many scars I may get I will allways try to help others with their problems since that's who I am
The only problem there is, is not to take other peoples problems and make them your own...
Not many people are allowed deep inside me to see the truth behind my mask
Some days the mask breaks a little and people see some of the sadness and darkness beneath it
Some friends are chocked, some are frightened but some are happy that I share it with them
Some scars will remain forever and there's nothing to do about it as long as I can handle it
I see some scars as lessons that must be learned as you grow up, some are harder than others to deal with
But I know that how many scars I may get I will allways try to help others with their problems since that's who I am
The only problem there is, is not to take other peoples problems and make them your own...
Love just isn't easy is it?
Well to be honest relationships has never been my thing but somehow people come to me with their relationship problems and thinking that I can solve them, how? I mean anyone can tell in theory how they want their relationship to work but the world is not built on theories but facts. And a fact is that my view of a relationship is not 100% the same as anyone else so the fact remains that you can put anything in a theory but putting it into action is a whole different thing. Another question I get quite often from friends is why the boy they like is treating them like he does or why he acts like he does and when I ask them how i'm supposed to answer that question they simply answer "Because you're a guy" . I mean what's that all about? Just because i'm a guy I can tell you why your boyfriend/fiance or whatever is the way he is? No, because you can't generalise every guy from the one we're talking about, his way of reacting to stuff you do can be so different from the way I would react so I can't tell you why he does it, if you really wanna know, ask him. However all this doesn't mean that I won't talk to my friends about it because they are my friends and I support them no matter what, but I hope they understand that I don't have all the answers they want though I will support them nevertheless because that's who I am and probably allways will be.
Relationship problems aren't easy I know but going around and asking for peoples advice isn't what you should rely on, if you really have problems then face them together as a couple it's the most simple way, asking other people for advice all the time makes it harder for you to take your own. I can say with the hand over my heart that I still belive in everlasting true love, maybe it's naive to think like that but i'd like to belive it could work even in theese modern days, i've had my ups and downs with girls as any other guy but the problem with me is that everytime I get hurt it's like a bag filling up with theese hurt feelings and nowdays i'm having trouble trusting girls. And trust is one ingredient you can't leave out in a relationship, it's the very foundation of the relationship, if the trust disappears, the relationship ends. So how do you get your trust back for girls? Well I guess my way was to get a lof of friends and mostly girls wierd enough so that I wouldn't miss to have a relationship but it only worked for a while and now though I have many and wonderfull friends I miss having a girl closer to me than just friend. I think the worst thing is the weekends, sitting alone at home in the evening and just wishing to have someone to hold and hug while watching a movie or something...
Well that's it for now!
Be at peace
Relationship problems aren't easy I know but going around and asking for peoples advice isn't what you should rely on, if you really have problems then face them together as a couple it's the most simple way, asking other people for advice all the time makes it harder for you to take your own. I can say with the hand over my heart that I still belive in everlasting true love, maybe it's naive to think like that but i'd like to belive it could work even in theese modern days, i've had my ups and downs with girls as any other guy but the problem with me is that everytime I get hurt it's like a bag filling up with theese hurt feelings and nowdays i'm having trouble trusting girls. And trust is one ingredient you can't leave out in a relationship, it's the very foundation of the relationship, if the trust disappears, the relationship ends. So how do you get your trust back for girls? Well I guess my way was to get a lof of friends and mostly girls wierd enough so that I wouldn't miss to have a relationship but it only worked for a while and now though I have many and wonderfull friends I miss having a girl closer to me than just friend. I think the worst thing is the weekends, sitting alone at home in the evening and just wishing to have someone to hold and hug while watching a movie or something...
Well that's it for now!
Be at peace
The Way It's Going To Be
Okay just to get things started I'll tell you how this is going to be. I will share my feelings, adventures, secrets and just ordinary things that happens in my life. I will never reveal anyones name I write about since it doesn't matter, you don't need to know their name or my name, you get everything else. I know you'll be thinking hey I know wich country he is from since he has selected Norway, well I won't let it be that easy either because every week I will change my location to something else. But I guess by the time you read this you allready know who I am so this doesn't really matter does it?
I've been thinking a lot the past few weeks of what beeing a friend really means, it's a question not easily answered by the average citizen. How often are you supposed to have contact? How often are you supposed to meet each other eye to eye? Can you talk about everything? Are you willing to be there for your friend every time even if you don't get anything in return? As I said theese are not easily answered questions and I don't think there's really an answer to them because every human is different in many ways and deal with this kind of questions differently and it depends on the friend as well. I've broken contact with many friends lately sine I feel the communication isn't going both ways, I've got to make to move for the communication to start and sometimes when I haven't talked to them for some time I get a text or other form of message that says "Why do I never hear from you?". Aren't friends supposed to give each other a call or maybe send a text? Is it really a One-man-job to keep a friendship? No, the action must taken from both people, otherwise sooner or later the one keeping it together is going to lose interest because he or she doesn't get anything in return.
Most of my friends I keep in touch with online, that is through varies communities such as the all so known facebook for naming one. I also use varies of chat tools such as msn messenger, skype, ventrilo and sometimes ICQ (does anyone use ICQ anymore?) and it's mostly through chat tools I keep in touch with most of my friends, of course I text and call some of them more than others but mostly by the computer. As many people I have "friends" that I haven't met in real life, the problem with this is you can't really know who the person really is but still some of them I feel like I can say that he/she is a friend. Now some of you are thinking "How can he call that a friend? He haven't met the person, he doesn't know who he/she really is" and that's very true BUT I don't think you can keep up with the mask for ever, sooner or later the real person steps out more and more, of course there are some really bad people in chats and communities and we'll never get away from that fact, it's a question of trust and respect. Some of my friends that I have met online through the years I've talked to for up to 7 years and still haven't met them in real life, some I've talked to on the phone, texted and stuff like that but never really met eye to eye and I ask myself,why? I think it's a lot of laziness from both parts and never really taking a step forward to do it. I've gotta tell you about this one person though, we had been talking for years through msn, phone and ventrilo but recently not so often and it was the day before my graduation and my neighboor comes over knocking on the door with flowers in her hand and said that the flower bid came with them earlier but since I wasn't home they left them with her so she could give them to me later. I had really never gotten flowers from someone like that so of course I was curious of who it was from, so when I read the letter I was moved and suprised that it was from a person I've never met in my life but still she sent flowers and congratulating me for my graduation. I must say that I have still not felt that appreciation more than that one single time and I will make it up to her sometime because that meant very much to me.
So how is a friend supposed to be? How is a friendship supposed to work? Well that is a question still to be answered. Now you know a little bit about me and some of the questions in my head but there is still more to be written and talked about.
I've been thinking a lot the past few weeks of what beeing a friend really means, it's a question not easily answered by the average citizen. How often are you supposed to have contact? How often are you supposed to meet each other eye to eye? Can you talk about everything? Are you willing to be there for your friend every time even if you don't get anything in return? As I said theese are not easily answered questions and I don't think there's really an answer to them because every human is different in many ways and deal with this kind of questions differently and it depends on the friend as well. I've broken contact with many friends lately sine I feel the communication isn't going both ways, I've got to make to move for the communication to start and sometimes when I haven't talked to them for some time I get a text or other form of message that says "Why do I never hear from you?". Aren't friends supposed to give each other a call or maybe send a text? Is it really a One-man-job to keep a friendship? No, the action must taken from both people, otherwise sooner or later the one keeping it together is going to lose interest because he or she doesn't get anything in return.
Most of my friends I keep in touch with online, that is through varies communities such as the all so known facebook for naming one. I also use varies of chat tools such as msn messenger, skype, ventrilo and sometimes ICQ (does anyone use ICQ anymore?) and it's mostly through chat tools I keep in touch with most of my friends, of course I text and call some of them more than others but mostly by the computer. As many people I have "friends" that I haven't met in real life, the problem with this is you can't really know who the person really is but still some of them I feel like I can say that he/she is a friend. Now some of you are thinking "How can he call that a friend? He haven't met the person, he doesn't know who he/she really is" and that's very true BUT I don't think you can keep up with the mask for ever, sooner or later the real person steps out more and more, of course there are some really bad people in chats and communities and we'll never get away from that fact, it's a question of trust and respect. Some of my friends that I have met online through the years I've talked to for up to 7 years and still haven't met them in real life, some I've talked to on the phone, texted and stuff like that but never really met eye to eye and I ask myself,why? I think it's a lot of laziness from both parts and never really taking a step forward to do it. I've gotta tell you about this one person though, we had been talking for years through msn, phone and ventrilo but recently not so often and it was the day before my graduation and my neighboor comes over knocking on the door with flowers in her hand and said that the flower bid came with them earlier but since I wasn't home they left them with her so she could give them to me later. I had really never gotten flowers from someone like that so of course I was curious of who it was from, so when I read the letter I was moved and suprised that it was from a person I've never met in my life but still she sent flowers and congratulating me for my graduation. I must say that I have still not felt that appreciation more than that one single time and I will make it up to her sometime because that meant very much to me.
So how is a friend supposed to be? How is a friendship supposed to work? Well that is a question still to be answered. Now you know a little bit about me and some of the questions in my head but there is still more to be written and talked about.
