Past and present
Well here I am once more to talk a little bit of my past, I know it might be boring for some of you but I've got to explain for some of you how some of the things in my past has formed me into the person I am today. About 10 years ago my brother took his own life, it was a chock for all of us in the family, but I was in the part of my life where I don't think I really understood it or maybe didn't want to accept it and I remember sitting at the funeral, I didn't shed a single tear and I remember that it made me so angry. I was very sad of course but not one single tear came from my eyes, I was frustrated, why couldn't I show my emotions like the other people in the church? Now afterwards I think I know why, i've matured in my way of thinking and understand more what it really means, I can't show it all in just one moment, I need time to think it over in my head and as time goes on I think about it from time to time and it makes it easier to handle for some reason. I don't think it was until five years later that I was sitting by the lake and thought about it and the tears just wouldn't stop coming, all this time I had thought about it so much but just one evening it all came down on me like a big rock falling to your chest and the struggling for air. I still think about it, I need a couple of hours for myself sometimes so that I can gou through my past and present emotions, it might seem wierd but that's just the way I need to work with my feelings.
The same year around christmas my parents decided to file a divorce, it was the second chock the same year but once again I think my emotions were hid deep inside me, I wouldn't accept it until long after when I really realised that my dad wasn't going to live with us anymore although it was very empty without my father on christmas.
As you might understand this was a very sad and depressing time in my life, probably the worst year I'll ever experience in my life and the time after wasn't really easy either. The two years after were not the best either, new school, new classmates, new teachers but also new opportunities, just before we finished 5th grade we got two new students in school, one was a year older than me and his little brother a year younger. The older one was going to re-take 6th grade and he was going to be in the same class as me, he soon became a very good friend and through the years we have known eachother I can say that i'm really glad that I met him. When we started 7th grade it was again new classes and students from another school joined, I was very angry at first since I had gotten to know my 6th grade classmates so well. Either way there was nothing to do but accept it and some months in to 7th grade I had found out that one of the guys from another class was living just 300 feet from me, so we started to hang out and together with my friend from 6th grade we became really good friends so to this day I see them both as my non related brothers. We've went through some bad and stupid times together with other fellow friends but also some very good times, gladly we can often laugh about the bad and stupid times nowdays but some things remain that we'll never forget and feel bad about but it feels easier to share it with eachother so you don't have to carry it yourself.
Now we take a long jump ahead to the start of collage, I was really scared when we were going to start, none of my nearest friends were going to the same school as me, for the first time in many years I felt alone. I knew that an old football (soccer) friend was starting there as well so we took contact just before the semester started and agreed to stick together no matter what, I think he was as terrified as me. We came in the first day to find out wich class we were supposed to be in and I just remebered thinking that if I don't get in the same class as my friend I was going to do whatever it took to be in the same class as him so I would atleast know someone and gladly we were chosen to the same class. Now afterwards I can just laugh about it, the class was wonderful, I don't think I could've landed in a better class. I got a lot of new friends, especially five of them including the one I knew before we started and they are the closest friends I have to this day except my two "brothers" despite the fact that we have gone our own paths in life. One of them has recently bought a house with her boyfriend a couple of miles away from here but still works here, one has moved to a bigger city to live with her boyfriend, one has recently moved up north for season work at a restaurant, one has a 10 month old baby still living here with the remaining of us. We don't see eachother much, atleast not all together but we try to keep in contact so we don't split up to much. I still meet some of my other classmates and it's nice to see what roads they've take after we graduated though we don't keep in contact as much it's allways nice to see them once in awhile.
Well that's it for now!
Be at peace
The same year around christmas my parents decided to file a divorce, it was the second chock the same year but once again I think my emotions were hid deep inside me, I wouldn't accept it until long after when I really realised that my dad wasn't going to live with us anymore although it was very empty without my father on christmas.
As you might understand this was a very sad and depressing time in my life, probably the worst year I'll ever experience in my life and the time after wasn't really easy either. The two years after were not the best either, new school, new classmates, new teachers but also new opportunities, just before we finished 5th grade we got two new students in school, one was a year older than me and his little brother a year younger. The older one was going to re-take 6th grade and he was going to be in the same class as me, he soon became a very good friend and through the years we have known eachother I can say that i'm really glad that I met him. When we started 7th grade it was again new classes and students from another school joined, I was very angry at first since I had gotten to know my 6th grade classmates so well. Either way there was nothing to do but accept it and some months in to 7th grade I had found out that one of the guys from another class was living just 300 feet from me, so we started to hang out and together with my friend from 6th grade we became really good friends so to this day I see them both as my non related brothers. We've went through some bad and stupid times together with other fellow friends but also some very good times, gladly we can often laugh about the bad and stupid times nowdays but some things remain that we'll never forget and feel bad about but it feels easier to share it with eachother so you don't have to carry it yourself.
Now we take a long jump ahead to the start of collage, I was really scared when we were going to start, none of my nearest friends were going to the same school as me, for the first time in many years I felt alone. I knew that an old football (soccer) friend was starting there as well so we took contact just before the semester started and agreed to stick together no matter what, I think he was as terrified as me. We came in the first day to find out wich class we were supposed to be in and I just remebered thinking that if I don't get in the same class as my friend I was going to do whatever it took to be in the same class as him so I would atleast know someone and gladly we were chosen to the same class. Now afterwards I can just laugh about it, the class was wonderful, I don't think I could've landed in a better class. I got a lot of new friends, especially five of them including the one I knew before we started and they are the closest friends I have to this day except my two "brothers" despite the fact that we have gone our own paths in life. One of them has recently bought a house with her boyfriend a couple of miles away from here but still works here, one has moved to a bigger city to live with her boyfriend, one has recently moved up north for season work at a restaurant, one has a 10 month old baby still living here with the remaining of us. We don't see eachother much, atleast not all together but we try to keep in contact so we don't split up to much. I still meet some of my other classmates and it's nice to see what roads they've take after we graduated though we don't keep in contact as much it's allways nice to see them once in awhile.
Well that's it for now!
Be at peace
Kommentarer
Postat av: One of the "non related brothers"
I must start with saying that I really like this blog.
It´s not the usual way to do it:)
When I had to re-take 6th grade it didn't take long before I became friend with the "writer"
Stil today I see him as my best friend.
Nowdays I live in a different city, but I miss the friendship from my fellow brothers.
Therfore it´s one of the major reasons I decided to move back.
Your qusestions about frendship are really worth some thought.
I must say that lot of what is writen hear is new to me.
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