Both ways?
Hard isn't a good enough word to express it
I try to tell myself it will never happen
But still at some points I really can't get my mind of it
I try to figure out ways to not think about it too much
I know I shouldn't think or care to much of it because it aint gonna happen
But even though I try to tell myself it won't I can't get passed it
I wonder if it's only causing me problems or is it maybe both ways?
All I know is that if it is, it's not big enough for me to see
And if I can't see it, well maybe it's not that dificult from that side
I try to tell myself it will never happen
But still at some points I really can't get my mind of it
I try to figure out ways to not think about it too much
I know I shouldn't think or care to much of it because it aint gonna happen
But even though I try to tell myself it won't I can't get passed it
I wonder if it's only causing me problems or is it maybe both ways?
All I know is that if it is, it's not big enough for me to see
And if I can't see it, well maybe it's not that dificult from that side
See the reality
It's time to realise that this isn't going anywhere
One day it seems like heaven, and the next day it's like it was in the beginning.
I allways thought I could drop it and go away like I usually do but I just can't this time
It's so special now that even if I sometime feel it just isn't meant to be I can't drop it....
One day it seems like heaven, and the next day it's like it was in the beginning.
I allways thought I could drop it and go away like I usually do but I just can't this time
It's so special now that even if I sometime feel it just isn't meant to be I can't drop it....
So what can I do? I know the truth allready so I really just should drop it and move on but I just can't
I'm stuck between two "different" worlds and just waiting to crash when i'm still in between them
There I will stand just like every other time and feel sorry for myself
Even thogh I knew what was going to happen from the beginning
I just hope I can find the space in the world when it all started
When there were no questions what so ever
I just hope that oon I can take it off my brain and we both can move on with our lives...
But I know I might have a very big problem with it and maybe it can't be done....
I'm stuck between two "different" worlds and just waiting to crash when i'm still in between them
There I will stand just like every other time and feel sorry for myself
Even thogh I knew what was going to happen from the beginning
I just hope I can find the space in the world when it all started
When there were no questions what so ever
I just hope that oon I can take it off my brain and we both can move on with our lives...
But I know I might have a very big problem with it and maybe it can't be done....
The Big Questionmark
I don't know what to think
I don't know what to belive
And I don't know what to feel
Sometimes it seems obvious
Sometimes it doesn't
One day I can feel warm and happy
And the other I really don't know what it is
I guess some things you really can't figure out by yourself
But some actions speak for themselves
I guess I just haven't learned how to read them clearly
Maybe I should just do what I allways do
Don't think about it too much and just let it be
I don't know what to belive
And I don't know what to feel
Sometimes it seems obvious
Sometimes it doesn't
One day I can feel warm and happy
And the other I really don't know what it is
I guess some things you really can't figure out by yourself
But some actions speak for themselves
I guess I just haven't learned how to read them clearly
Maybe I should just do what I allways do
Don't think about it too much and just let it be
Long time no see
So i'm very sorry I haven't updated for quite a while but i'll try to get better now when i'm getting used to work this much again :S so what's new? well work is starting to go quite well and i'm getting more and more used to actually work full time! The first two weeks were hard because I couldn't relax when I got home because I was so nervous and anxious but it's getting better and i'm feeling a lot better. Midsummers eve was as allways a day with rain but the spirits in the family were good and the kids tried to make the best of it and the food was as good as ever so I really can't complain.
So I know I haven't had much fun or happy things to say here for a long time and unfortunetley this isn't going to be very different since there's a lot going on in my mind right now. The thing that's nagging me atm is the health of my dad. He had two strokes last year and long story short one of his legs is now overworked and in need of surgery, however the risk of another stroke is to big so they aren't going to do the surgery. And I know this isn't life threatening or something like that but i'm really not used to see my dad like this so i'm really scared about going to see him in such a bad shape. I know he's allways pushed himself a bit to far in many occasions but that's who he is and that's how I know him. It's his 60th birthday this saturday and this isn't how I pictured it....
So I know I haven't had much fun or happy things to say here for a long time and unfortunetley this isn't going to be very different since there's a lot going on in my mind right now. The thing that's nagging me atm is the health of my dad. He had two strokes last year and long story short one of his legs is now overworked and in need of surgery, however the risk of another stroke is to big so they aren't going to do the surgery. And I know this isn't life threatening or something like that but i'm really not used to see my dad like this so i'm really scared about going to see him in such a bad shape. I know he's allways pushed himself a bit to far in many occasions but that's who he is and that's how I know him. It's his 60th birthday this saturday and this isn't how I pictured it....
I look into your eyes and see the tears coming
I try to wipe them clean but you turn away
I try talking but you don't want to listen
I can feel my own tears slowly flow down my cheek
I look down and I feel the shame in my chest
Your love was the most precious thing i've ever had
I know the things i've done made you sad
But I promise from the bottom of my heart to you
That my love to you, will forever and allways be true
I try to wipe them clean but you turn away
I try talking but you don't want to listen
I can feel my own tears slowly flow down my cheek
I look down and I feel the shame in my chest
Your love was the most precious thing i've ever had
I know the things i've done made you sad
But I promise from the bottom of my heart to you
That my love to you, will forever and allways be true
When one obstacle is passed another one emerges
Well I must say that this truly is a life saver! I've gotten a full time job at a restaurant here in town! Of course the amount of guests is mostly depending on the weather but they have seats inside as well so I think it will work out :D
Sadly I must say that even though i'm very happy about having a good full time job there's still pieces missing in my life that I would like to fill but I know there's a lot of work to be done if that's gonna happen. Some pieces will fall in place automatically now that I actually will have money so I don't have to turn every dime just to put food on the table and maybe have some fun days in the summer. As I said, there's a lot of work to be done if i'm going to turn my life around and there's going to be a tough time but atleast i've take one small step in the right direction to a better and hopefully happier life.
Greets to "Beppe" for fixing me the job!! I owe you big time!
Sadly I must say that even though i'm very happy about having a good full time job there's still pieces missing in my life that I would like to fill but I know there's a lot of work to be done if that's gonna happen. Some pieces will fall in place automatically now that I actually will have money so I don't have to turn every dime just to put food on the table and maybe have some fun days in the summer. As I said, there's a lot of work to be done if i'm going to turn my life around and there's going to be a tough time but atleast i've take one small step in the right direction to a better and hopefully happier life.
Greets to "Beppe" for fixing me the job!! I owe you big time!
